Conan The Barbarian - Movie Review


When I first saw the trailers a year back, I got my hopes up, though in the heart of my hearts, I knew it would be a futile effort. Especially since most of the great scenes in the movie itself would be packaged into that slick trailer and marketed. The movie usually has nothing newer to offer.
It released in India two weeks back and one Saturday evening, having got nothing else to do, I decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, had to drag my wifey along. And with the words, “Barbarian” splashed across the posters, there was no two ways about how the movie would turn out!
We entered as Morgan Freeman was giving us a tour of the world of Heboria ( Oh wait, I confess I haven’t read the Robert Jordan versions or the numerous comic books floating around, but heck, I acquit myself as I’ve seen the classic Arnie-version that came the year I was two, 1984 J
Anyways, going back to the movie, it was not that bad as I imagined it to be. Set pieces and action made me cringe in my seat and I stole “sorry” glances at my poor wife who sat numb with shock and disbelief at the amount of gore and brain-grey matter splashing across the big screen. Well, barbarian it was for the first 30 minutes of the movie that took us through Conan’s famous birth on the battlefield and his younger days. The first 45 minutes of the movie introduces us also to the nemesis, played by Stephen Lang, reprising the big bad ass who hams away to hell and has eyes that pop out of his head in an effort to scare you witless. Conan, the wild feral youth who is forced to witness the death of his father at the hands of this warlord, grows up to be the super handsome Jason Mamoa (Yeah – the dude who grunts and makes strange noises and rides horses as Khal Drogo in the Game of Thrones HBO Original Series)
Two points – He is just too good looking to be a barbarian. And yes, he tries hard. Not that he’s been given a lot to work with in this linear plot. But he’s a better Conan than a Khal Drogo. And makes for a lot of good fighting. The second high point of the movie for me, was Rachel Nichols. Eye candy. Yum. Passable acting.
Other than these two, the rest of them were forgettable. Rosie McGowan truly was a horror to watch. Second half where Conan finally confronts Khalar Zym has interesting set pieces with some sand wraiths and a multi-legged reptilian monster that gobbles up humans for dessert. But overall, a little disappointing. Never connected to the “barbarian”. Think I would stick to the wooden acting and bigger biceps of Conan the “Destroyer.”
Probably like a five on ten.

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